• 22 year old me:*Looks into camera* I am...standing in front of my beautiful home. I just got back from a short vacation and it's my dorders 4th birthday so I'm going to surprise her and my husband Aubrey, you may know him as Drake, I call him Aubrey because we're on a first name basis because we are married...and in love.
  • Me:*Opens door* Hello.mp3!
  • Drake:*Eagerly runs downstairs carrying dorder because he is happy to see me because we are in love* Oh my God! I am so happy to see you!
  • Me:Surprise! Get my luggage sweetie. *Smiles at the camera*
  • Drake:Hold the baby for me?
  • Me:No, thank you.
  • Drake:You sure? You haven't seen her in a long time and she misses y-
  • Me:Aubrey I do not want to hold that child.
  • Drake:*Nods and sits dorder on the floor* What's with the camera crew?
  • Me:Well, I am...filming my ICONIC return home from vacation.
  • Drake:I wouldn't call it vacation you were gone for an entire year. *rich white man laugh*
  • Me:I can call it whatever the hale I wanna call it but anyway- *Kneels and ruffles Dorders hair* -my little cutie pie turned 3 and as you all know, I do not particularly like the number 3. At all. So now I am home because I do, in fact, enjoy the number 4.
  • Drake:I completely understand, I'm not too fond of the number 7.
  • Me:Are you coming for me?
  • Drake:I don't understand.
  • Me:Everyone knows that I was born on August 8th and 7 is one less than 8 and I'm starting to feel VERY attacked.
  • Drake:I apologize I see how that could be taken offensively, I was out of line.